Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
