I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
