yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
