everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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