she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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