My hand turned me down
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
