i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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