There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
How's work?
Spinning.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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