dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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