So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
