I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
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