OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
