White coat. Heels.
I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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