I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
