Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
