i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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