Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
