OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
