Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
