then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
