Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
