I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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