All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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