Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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