oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Found your dick twin last night
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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