After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
