UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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