I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
