I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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