hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
