y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Is Oprah even human
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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