So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
My Higher Power is John Stamos
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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