Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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