in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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