Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
