"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
