watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
