i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
