As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
