can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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