is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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