Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
i drank out of a bidet.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
