I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
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