Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
