I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
