do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
