Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
