Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
