can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
