winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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