I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
