he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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