We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
