don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
