I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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